Don't call if you are up over down-under now
01 July 2008
On airplanes, I will happily change places so people can sit together and chat so I can catnap/read/watch the film in peace.
The 'in peace' bit is important here. Put simply, I don't want mobile phones onboard planes.
The up over, down-under remark is from the 1970 film, The Games, when Ryan O’Neal is one of four runners preparing for and competing in the Rome Olympics. In the film, he looks out of the aircraft window and jokes “Hey, look, we are up over, down-under!” as they fly over Australia. In the film, this is funny, but if the character had been sat next to me on that journey and woken me up to try out his wordplay, I would not have been as amused.
I am a very unsociable flyer, I like to watch a film, read a book and sleep. With the budget airlines which charge to have families and friends sit together, flights are more likely to have Mum leaning across a complete stranger, asking their children if they feel sick yet, striking fear into anyone who might be in the crossfire! Personally, I can see the attraction of not sitting anywhere near Hayes Major and Hayes Minor sometimes but I feel a certain responsibility to keep an eye on them mid-air. Partly to make sure they do not disturb other passengers who want to catch up on sleep, watch the film or read.
Imagine if Hayes Major was on the phone throughout a flight to his “like, y’know, mate, yeah, when he, y’know..lapses into like, faux ghetto-speak, right, yeah”. Or the buffoon who has to insist someone picks him up from the airport without him having to wait a millisecond, so he has to phone in to chart his progress. Look at the scramble for mobiles when the plane lands, imagine that throughout a transAtlantic flight.
I applaud Alitalia who arrested three people when the pilot asked passengers three times to turn off their mobiles, when he saw that it was interfering with instruments. In the end, he aborted the take-off three times and the passengers who could not bear to be incommunicado for the duration of the flight face up to three months in prison. The incident happened shortly after the crash landing at Heathrow at the beginning of the year, an incident that was speculatively attributed to EMI from wireless devices. OfCom has proposed that airlines can install technology to allow passengers to make and receive calls while in the air. Aviation experts say that the risk to navigational equipment is minimal, primarily because they use picocell technology so that calls are routed through an onboard basestation which links to a satellite and relays transmissions to the ground via a separate air-to-ground network, instead of directly connecting to the ground.
AirFrance is said to be ‘disappointed’ in the quality of in-flight mobile calls when it tested it in its Airbus A318s and won’t be using the system. I think that is a French way of saying ‘Non’, as the country has introduced phone free zones on its national railways. Austria and Sweden have done the same on public transport, either insisting the phone is switched off (Austria) or ‘phone-free zones’ (Sweden). I wonder if these Europeans have the same problem that the English do, they feel they have to shout when talking on the phone in a public place. It’s a sophisticated piece of electronic equipment, not a tin can and piece of string! There’s no need to shout!
Qatar Airways is more belligerent and has banned voice calls mid-flight, in response to 80 per cent of its passengers responding that they don’t want it. It is unlikely that US carriers will get the go-ahead from the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) as it stopped considering in-flight mobiles last year and has reportedly said it has no intention to revisit the question. However, American flights are testing in-flight internet access. American Airlines is looking to boost revenue with add-on services that are more appealing than cheeky ruses budget airlines dream up, where meals, luggage and even check-in are chargeable extras.
The beauty of in-flight internet is that it is non-intrusive to other passengers. It can be used to email or instant-message, download video and news services and connect notebooks or smartphones through three wireless access points on the plane. The test is being conducted with Aircell and will include some Amazon services and is for routes flying from New York to Los Angeles and extending to New York to San Francisco and Miami.
However, would we trust Hayes Major or Minor with unlimited internet access and the Katie Price website address? American Airlines says it will not block iffy sites, as this could disrupt legitimate websites but will extend its policy of not allowing unsuitable material to be brought on-board to the online service. Even with the prospect of having to keep one eye open to see what sites they are on, this seems a more considerate way of communicating in-flight.
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